Not Really Alone: A Discourse with God

5/13/08

God knocked on my door one day and told me his name was Steven.
I told him he was shitting me.
No, really, he said. I'm God. Would I lie?
You're the only one who can without it being a sin, I said.
Really? said God. Just because I made the rule means I don't have to follow it?
I dunno, I replied. I guess so. You are God after all.
True, said God.

I took a breath. Have you ever been in love? I asked.
What? said God.
I mean, is there a Mrs. God, or have you ever wished there was one?
No, said God, taken aback.
So you've never been in love?
No, said God.
Well that explains some things, I said.
What things? asked God.
The fact that you somehow seem to think that women are below men, I said.
That's not me; that's men, said God.
Aren't they created in your image? I said.
Well yeah, God admitted, but a picture is never the same as the original. Especially not inside.
Still, I said. You've made a pretty shit job of things.
Oh really, said God.
Yeah. Look at all the wars fought over you. Millions of people fighting over different versions of you and different ways to honour you.
That's not about me, God retorted. That's politics.
For an omniscient being, you don't seem to know a whole lot, I said.
That's one woman's opinion, replied God.
Well just so that you know, I'm not very impressed with your work, I stated. Better shape up.
Or what? said God. You'll stop believing in me?
Worse, I said.

God's eyebrows raised.

I'll create love and happiness and goodwill and kindness amongst your people. I will create acceptance, such that any difference between people is not seen as a defect but as a beautiful and unique trait. People will open their eyes, and learn that they could never see until now, and that life is a million times sweeter with truth and understanding.
And happiness and love is supposed to frighten me? asked God.
Doesn't it? I said. Instead of blissful ignorance, your people will be real and true and see you for what you really are.
And what is that? asked God.
Unnecessary, untrue, and destructive, I said. I don't want you, I don't need you, and neither does anyone else. All we need is each other. I can find the truth in that.
God looked at me sketchily. I don't need to listen to this, he said. I created the universe! He stomped off, leaving me alone.
But not really alone.