Punny Fun With Funny Puns

Some of my little stories, for all the silly little folk out there to enjoy. They're like hors d'oeuvres, aren't they, tiny delicacies. One bite each, and you can never get enough. ...Who am I kidding?

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Location: Canada

Friday, October 24, 2008

Story for Shika (postcards)

In the time of buttercups and walnut trees, there lived a phoenix. It was only small, like a robin, but it seemed much bigger, and of course it was extraordinarily beautiful. To look at it one would think that it was on fire, but the grass and the trees never went up in flames, so certainly it was a magical kind of fire. The phoenix had seen the beginning of time, and would live to see the end, but it still enjoyed simple pleasures like the first drops of the rising sun splashing on its elegant face, and a cool glass of fresh lemonade.

The other animals were always a little frightened of the phoenix when they first met it, but once they got to know it, they realized that it was very kind and also an excellent friend to have around. The phoenix came up with all the best games and told the most interesting stories; it also always knew where to find food for all the animals, and if ever they were threatened - by beast or by nature - it would protect them. The animals never knew just how the phoenix protected them, or to what degree, but they always felt safe in its presence.

One day there was a great rumbling far away in the emerald hills. The animals all turned and stared, and the hair on Cat's back went straight up towards the heavens. 'What is that noise?' asked Squirrel. The phoenix told them that there was a great presence in the hills that wanted to take their land from them and put the phoenix away in a small dark hole for all eternity. The animals grew scared at this, but also very angry. Who would want to hurt the phoenix!? 'What can we do against such a force?' inquired Bear. The phoenix said that they must all join together, and not be scared. The forests and the pastures and the rivers and all the land belonged to them, and no one could take it from them.

The rumbling continued for days and days, getting louder all the time. The smaller animals huddled together at night, and the leaves on the trees shook. 'What is happening in the hills?' Sparrow wanted to know. The phoenix said the presence was getting ready to sweep the lands from under them and take all the colours of the animals and the lands away. 'What should we do?' the animals asked. The phoenix told them to be strong, and to remember that this was their land. When the presence made its way down the hills, they must stand together and force the presence out. 'How will we know what to do?' said Deer. 'What if we aren't strong enough?' demanded Raven, always the cynic. The phoenix said that, as animals, the power was inside each and every one of them to drive out the presence.

Finally, one day, the rumbling stopped, and the lands grew quiet. The animals all spoke in whispers, wondering what would come next. They looked anxiously at the phoenix, but it was stirring its iced tea and smelling the daisies. Then out of nowhere, the presence spoke, 'I am the great presence from the emerald hills. This land is mine, and you, phoenix, are mine as well.' The animals trembled, and some of the younger rabbits began to weep. But the phoenix hushed them, and floated far above the tree tops to address the presence from the hills. It said, This land belongs as much to you as it does to all of us, and no more. I belong no more to you than I do to any one. The presence grew very angry at this, and made all the trees shake and the ground roll. But the phoenix burned all the brighter, and said nothing more.

'If you will not bow to me of your own will, I will just have to force you!' said the presence, and it tried to grab the phoenix out of the air. But the phoenix was too fast, and it flitted back down to the ground next to all the animals. 'You will follow me and you will be mine!' said the presence, and stomped and stamped with all its might. But the animals shook their heads and one of the braver Cows stuck out her tongue. The presence grew very angry and turned the skies red and the clouds black, but the phoenix burned so bright to be blinding, and the animals all felt the strength inside of them that was their claim to the land.

All of a sudden, with a great rush of air, the phoenix disappeared. In its place burned a cloud of golden flame, and then there was only a pile of ash. The forest held its breath; even Cricket stopped chirping. Then there was the tiniest of cheeps, so quiet and so high that many of the animals didn't hear it. 'What was that?' said Pill-Bug, and poked its head into the ash. Inside, he found a miniscule bird, naked and wrinkled, singing the sweetest song any of the animals had ever heard.
No presence disturbed the forest for many, many years.

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