Seamus the Magician, Take 2

3/3/05

I want to get out of here.

I've been wandering for days, in a two-dimensional monochrome world. Make it stop!

Around me walk 2-dimensional, monochrome people, with black-and-white TVs, flat houses, and no sense of fun whatsoever. I think I am becoming one of them.

But where is here?

I was practicing my art a few weeks ago in my sweet, real, colourful, 3-D world, when I clicked my heels together, and -poof!- I had been transported to a world of no colour. Trying to adjust to this dramatic change of scenery, I accidentally pressed a button - that turned everything flat. Flatter than flat. Things have no substance!

But it was not only the dimensions that had changed - all of a sudden, I was in a brand new world, full of strange folk who never smile, never laugh, and who you can practically see right through!

I pressed the button again. But nothing happened. I was stuck. And here I have been, living in the streets these past three weeks, trying to find a way out.

Most people I approach know not of a "way out." They think me absurd - and I don't blame them. To them, this 2-D world is real. It is the only world that exists. It's a wonder any of them believe me.

But some do.

I discovered one day a tiny crack of sunshine, the slightest bit of the lightest shade of yellow. So there was colour after all. Later, I returned to this spot, only to discover a barrier, and a sign stating: WARNING! DO NOT CROSS! AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY!

Since this was the only perceptible trace of my world, I considered myself authorized enough to surpass the 2-D barrier. On the other side, there was the speck. But it seemed to me it had grown larger. I touched it with the tip of my finger. It felt warm.

Then I heard the alarm.

Two minutes, 39 seconds later he arrived. 'He' was a government official of some sort, who must have known about the speck.

"Excuse me, sir!" I called.

"State your name and number." He held out an electronic pad and stylus.

"I...uh, actually--"

"Name and number -- now!"

"No, I--"

He tapped his foot.

"Look! I don't have a name and number! This is not my world. I'm trying to get back. To my world." I pointed at the speck in desperation.

The officer blinked. "You're from...Speck-Land?" He slowly lowered his pad and pen.

"Uh...yes. Yes! I...yeah, and I'm trying to get back there. I'm not supposed to be here!"

The officer was slowly nodding, thinking. "Yeah...yeah..." He pointed his finger and started shaking it. Apparently it aided his thought process.

"You're one of them...Speck-Land followers, aren't you?"

"I...--"

"Yeah...Well, it doesn't exist. There's nothing here. Away with you."

I resisted stubbornly, but he shoved me with his tazer, which really hurt, and made me go all limp. Then he put me on the back of his van, and drove off to somewhere...